At first I wondered if I was going to sleep the rest of my life away. When I was first diagnosed I was sleeping all day long, then I would wake around 3-4pm and stay awake until about 8-9pm and then go back to sleep. It was difficult, especially for someone like me who used to be happy with anywhere from 3-5 hours of sleep a night, now I was getting 3-5 hours of awake time and sleeping all the rest. Of course it was all medication that was doing this to me, but this still didn't make me any happier! I was sleeping my life away and it felt like there was nothing I could do about it.
Time went by and I tried different medications and I swapped some good for some bad and so forth, meaning I was sleeping sometimes less and sometimes more and it all depended on the type of medication I was on and the dosage amount. For Example, on some meds all we had to do was increase the dosage by a small amount and all of a sudden I was sleeping an extra 4-5 hours, decrease another med at the same time and I was back to where I was in the first place? The thing about being Bi-Polar, well there are many things about being Bi-Polar, but one of them is, is that it is not an exact science, and there is no proven exact method to helping anyone because not only is everyone different, but so is everyone's treatment. I try to explain it this way to most people in hopes that they will understand, being Bi-Polar is like having diabetes, there are different levels of insulin that everyone has to take, well in being Bi-Polar there are different levels of chemicals your brain needs to functions, and this is what Bi-Polar really is, you body not producing enough of a certain type of chemicals and with out these chemicals you get the fun and wacky behavior that we all know and love as Bi-Polar.
So the long and short of it is when you are Bi-Polar you either get too much sleep or you don't get enough...you rarely ever get just the right amount. And the same goes for your treatment, you spend years taking all kinds of medications and hoping for the right mixture and maybe one day you get it? and if you do you hope and you pray that you will be able to keep the right levels, because once you go off, its like starting all over again. And the sleep is even worse because you spend all your time trying to not only find a medication that works, but you have to go thru the terrible sleep patterns all over again.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Friends and open Conversations
One of the things I have learned since I was first told that I may have Bi-Polar is that when I meet others who have either been diagnosed as Bi-Polar or I suspect that they are Bi-Polar is that there is almost a kindred spirit type relationship. I have found some really good relationship with others who have Bi-Polar, as well as some great relationships with others who have been affected by various types of mental illness.
Now first let me say that Bi-Polar is not a Mental Illness, and there are some who really have no idea as to what they are talking about who will say, but wait a minute, I have always been told that Bi-Polar is a Mental illness and those who suffer are mentally ill, but the truth of the matter is that Bi-Polar is much like diabetes in that is has to do with chemicals in your body. There are many in the Medical community who know this and there are a few who don't, but if you ask the ones who have been treating those who have it they will tell you what I am telling you here.
Now with out going into all of the details of the illness itself, (If you want that just do a google search and look for it on Wikipedia, you will find some good information regarding the illness. My point here is to point out the benefits of some of the relationships that I have been lucky enough to have developed since I was first diagnosed.) With all of the above being said, I can and will say that I have developed some just amazing friendships since I was first diagnosed, and they are based on my being diagnosed as Bi-Polar. There is a strange element of trust that comes when you meet someone who also has the illness. The doors are open and you can really get to know the person who suffers from the illness, and of course this is assuming that they are doing what they can to try and get better, as trying to talk with someone who suffers from the illness and they are not getting any treatment can be very difficult. They bounce around like a jumping bean and are very difficult to engage in any type of conversation.
But as time goes by and you get to know someone who has one of the elements of Bi-Polar and they are under the treatment f a Dr. the conversations can and usually are quite wonderful. The Walls have been torn down and the openness is there for two people to really get to know one another. I can think of at least two of my friends who are suffering from Bi-Polar and our friend ship is very strong because you not only know that the walls are tore down but you know that the person you are talking with are generally open and good people that you can trust. Not only can you trust them but you find that the conversations usually take a different course then if you were just two “Friends” talking about any given subject. It seems that in a normal conversation there is always that wall where you have to be careful not to touch, but with a fellow Bi-Polar you don’t have to worry about that and you can just talk about anything you feel like and for some reason the other person will just open up to you like you were an old friend. One would think that this would not be the case as when one suffers from an illness they tend to hide away and not share much information about them self, but for some reason Bi-Polar people are just open in general and will talk about any given subject. This can and does make for some wonderful conversations. I am lucky to be part of that group, and feel that my friendship circle has opened up to a whole new circle and my friends are among a much larger group.
I will continue with more on this subject tomorrow, I just wanted to get it off the top of my head, and remember if there id any subject you feel you would feel open to discussing, please drop me a note and I am sure we can talk about it, or even if you have a question
Now first let me say that Bi-Polar is not a Mental Illness, and there are some who really have no idea as to what they are talking about who will say, but wait a minute, I have always been told that Bi-Polar is a Mental illness and those who suffer are mentally ill, but the truth of the matter is that Bi-Polar is much like diabetes in that is has to do with chemicals in your body. There are many in the Medical community who know this and there are a few who don't, but if you ask the ones who have been treating those who have it they will tell you what I am telling you here.
Now with out going into all of the details of the illness itself, (If you want that just do a google search and look for it on Wikipedia, you will find some good information regarding the illness. My point here is to point out the benefits of some of the relationships that I have been lucky enough to have developed since I was first diagnosed.) With all of the above being said, I can and will say that I have developed some just amazing friendships since I was first diagnosed, and they are based on my being diagnosed as Bi-Polar. There is a strange element of trust that comes when you meet someone who also has the illness. The doors are open and you can really get to know the person who suffers from the illness, and of course this is assuming that they are doing what they can to try and get better, as trying to talk with someone who suffers from the illness and they are not getting any treatment can be very difficult. They bounce around like a jumping bean and are very difficult to engage in any type of conversation.
But as time goes by and you get to know someone who has one of the elements of Bi-Polar and they are under the treatment f a Dr. the conversations can and usually are quite wonderful. The Walls have been torn down and the openness is there for two people to really get to know one another. I can think of at least two of my friends who are suffering from Bi-Polar and our friend ship is very strong because you not only know that the walls are tore down but you know that the person you are talking with are generally open and good people that you can trust. Not only can you trust them but you find that the conversations usually take a different course then if you were just two “Friends” talking about any given subject. It seems that in a normal conversation there is always that wall where you have to be careful not to touch, but with a fellow Bi-Polar you don’t have to worry about that and you can just talk about anything you feel like and for some reason the other person will just open up to you like you were an old friend. One would think that this would not be the case as when one suffers from an illness they tend to hide away and not share much information about them self, but for some reason Bi-Polar people are just open in general and will talk about any given subject. This can and does make for some wonderful conversations. I am lucky to be part of that group, and feel that my friendship circle has opened up to a whole new circle and my friends are among a much larger group.
I will continue with more on this subject tomorrow, I just wanted to get it off the top of my head, and remember if there id any subject you feel you would feel open to discussing, please drop me a note and I am sure we can talk about it, or even if you have a question
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Dosage Problem...
Well, one of the problems I have been experiencing as of late is what time to I take my meds, or in this case a specific medication. It says that I should take it once, twice daily. The problem is if I take one dosage in the morning, within an hour or so I am ready for a bog time nap. I don't like this because it could knock me out for the rest of the day? So I have tried to take both dosage's at night, but then I end up sleeping for about 14-15 hours. So it is kind of a lose, lose for me and very frustrating.
So, what do I do? Well, I have tried a number of method and to be honest I don't really have it figured out yet, but I am working on it and I do hope that I will iron it out soon as it is very trying on my head. If anyone else has had this problem please feel free to share with me what you did?
Here is an idea I just came up with? Maybe I could take 4 small dosages instead of two large dosages, maybe this will help me on a larger scale? Hopefully I could skip the sleep all together and still get the over all effect of my meds? This is what I will try over the next few days and I will post here in case someone else has come up with a similar problem?
Till again...
So, what do I do? Well, I have tried a number of method and to be honest I don't really have it figured out yet, but I am working on it and I do hope that I will iron it out soon as it is very trying on my head. If anyone else has had this problem please feel free to share with me what you did?
Here is an idea I just came up with? Maybe I could take 4 small dosages instead of two large dosages, maybe this will help me on a larger scale? Hopefully I could skip the sleep all together and still get the over all effect of my meds? This is what I will try over the next few days and I will post here in case someone else has come up with a similar problem?
Till again...
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Life and more stuff!
Well, here I am and it is another day and I have quite a few things bouncing around my head right now. I am giving some serious consideration to moving out to San Francisco. Yes, I know that would be a hell of a move, but I think it might do my sou some good to get out of Dodge, (Do to speak!). I am not 100% that I am going yet, but I will say that I am giving it some serious consideration. I have always loved the city, and I have a chance to be roommates with an old friend, so that would help right from the start.
The second big thing today has to do with my health, because after all this blog is supposed to be about my health first and the rest later. I have been sleeping too much and I am not sure why? Today for example I slept till about 2:30pm, which is very strange because I went to be the night before around 11pm, so that is about 14 hours or so? I think it may have to do with some of my medications, but I am not sure and am a little concerned. I will give it a few more days and see how things go before I get too concerned about it. If it is the medication then I will have to make some kind of change, I am not sure what kind yet, but it will likely have to do with the time that I take my meds, as I think this is the reason why I am sleeping so much. Time will tell.
More soon!
The second big thing today has to do with my health, because after all this blog is supposed to be about my health first and the rest later. I have been sleeping too much and I am not sure why? Today for example I slept till about 2:30pm, which is very strange because I went to be the night before around 11pm, so that is about 14 hours or so? I think it may have to do with some of my medications, but I am not sure and am a little concerned. I will give it a few more days and see how things go before I get too concerned about it. If it is the medication then I will have to make some kind of change, I am not sure what kind yet, but it will likely have to do with the time that I take my meds, as I think this is the reason why I am sleeping so much. Time will tell.
More soon!
Monday, December 13, 2010
Looking forward to a new year!!! 2011
Sort of as a post note, I am going to try and write a lot more often here as I think there is a lot more that I can say regarding Bi-Polar and its painful aspects. I have had some good feedback in the past and I hope I can earn that again? I will do what I can to write here more often and I will do what I can to make it as interesting as possible.
To all who have sent me notes, I thank you and I hope you are still around and I hope I can entertain you enough so that you will come back and leave notes or at the very least drop me a personal note.
There are so many painful and positive aspects of Bi-Polar, and so many things we can share with each other to help one another in various ways, so please feel free to leave me a note or send me a msg...
To all who have sent me notes, I thank you and I hope you are still around and I hope I can entertain you enough so that you will come back and leave notes or at the very least drop me a personal note.
There are so many painful and positive aspects of Bi-Polar, and so many things we can share with each other to help one another in various ways, so please feel free to leave me a note or send me a msg...
Back and feeling better
It has been too long since I have posted here and it is not because I haven't been suffering from my Bi-Polar, it has more to do with the fact that I have chosen too many projects to write for and I have diluted what it was I wanted to write about.
As I am sure you have likely guessed I am still Bi-Polar and that should come as no surprise to anyone who knows anything at all about Bi-Polar. I have had some good news over the last 6-8 months and I should have come here first to share it, but as I am sure you know if you have ever known anyone who has Bi-Polar or has suffered from Bi-Polar good news can be fading and often it fades too quickly. Without going into too much detail on how anyone who is Bi-Polar isn't really suffering from a mental illness, they are suffering from a chemical imbalance. This is often one of the most misunderstood aspects of being Bi-Polar. Think of it like it is an illness like Diabetes, where your body doesn't produce or it produces too much of certain chemicals for your body to really understand or deal with. So if this is the case your body is in a state of fluctuation, sometimes you are producing too much of one chemical and others you are not producing enough. I am guessing that if you have read this much you already know this, but if not check out this article, maybe it will enlighten you a little more? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder
I have finally found, or I should say have eventually found a medication that helps me and doesn't cause me to balloon up like, well a balloon! This is great news on two ends for me, as I am finally feeling back to how I used to feel and there is hope that this will remain the case for quite some time, and the second reason is if you have ever suffered from this nasty illness and taken any of the medications you will know that a lot of the medications that one is diagnosed often make you put on weight like you were eating ice cream and cake every day for every meal. I am happy to say I am feeling better, and I am not putting on weight, it has bee about 7 months and I am finally after 4.5 years feeling like I should and like I used to feel when I was younger. I will continue with more updates as we roll into 2011, but for now I will just say that I am feeling pretty good and I can say that life is looking pretty good and this my friends is a very, very good thing.
I will keep today's post short and I will promise to make it back more often with more details regarding both my illness and my stabilization. One of the things you learn about being Bi-Polar is you pretty much never say, I am finally feeling better because there is always that day right around the next one where you may slip into those really bad feelings, so for now and pretty much forever I will just say I am thankful to be able to write here today and I am very thankful not to be suffering from the illness known as Bi-Polar.
Until next time,
Ciao!
As I am sure you have likely guessed I am still Bi-Polar and that should come as no surprise to anyone who knows anything at all about Bi-Polar. I have had some good news over the last 6-8 months and I should have come here first to share it, but as I am sure you know if you have ever known anyone who has Bi-Polar or has suffered from Bi-Polar good news can be fading and often it fades too quickly. Without going into too much detail on how anyone who is Bi-Polar isn't really suffering from a mental illness, they are suffering from a chemical imbalance. This is often one of the most misunderstood aspects of being Bi-Polar. Think of it like it is an illness like Diabetes, where your body doesn't produce or it produces too much of certain chemicals for your body to really understand or deal with. So if this is the case your body is in a state of fluctuation, sometimes you are producing too much of one chemical and others you are not producing enough. I am guessing that if you have read this much you already know this, but if not check out this article, maybe it will enlighten you a little more? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder
I have finally found, or I should say have eventually found a medication that helps me and doesn't cause me to balloon up like, well a balloon! This is great news on two ends for me, as I am finally feeling back to how I used to feel and there is hope that this will remain the case for quite some time, and the second reason is if you have ever suffered from this nasty illness and taken any of the medications you will know that a lot of the medications that one is diagnosed often make you put on weight like you were eating ice cream and cake every day for every meal. I am happy to say I am feeling better, and I am not putting on weight, it has bee about 7 months and I am finally after 4.5 years feeling like I should and like I used to feel when I was younger. I will continue with more updates as we roll into 2011, but for now I will just say that I am feeling pretty good and I can say that life is looking pretty good and this my friends is a very, very good thing.
I will keep today's post short and I will promise to make it back more often with more details regarding both my illness and my stabilization. One of the things you learn about being Bi-Polar is you pretty much never say, I am finally feeling better because there is always that day right around the next one where you may slip into those really bad feelings, so for now and pretty much forever I will just say I am thankful to be able to write here today and I am very thankful not to be suffering from the illness known as Bi-Polar.
Until next time,
Ciao!
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