A difficult day to play!

Somedays are pretty good, and others just suck! Anyone who knows about BP knows this, and it should come to no surprise to anyone that knows anyone with BP? For example, a few days ago I was doing really bad, I slept for whole days and then slept for whole nights, I had so much garbage stressing me out that I honestly didn't know what to do? So after suffering for a few days, it kind of subsided and today wasn't too bad?

However, if you are a BP you know what a trigger is, and if you are not a BP I will tell you what a BP is, and why it can be a very bad thing! A trigger is something that can ellicit a negative response in you from just being near you or sometimes you just think about it, I guess it could also bring a super manic mode out too, but I don't see those as bad as super depressive modes. It is likely because I suffer from more depression then mania. However, one of my triggers popped its ugly head up today, and it was kind of interesting as I had to make a choice as to how I was going to deal with the whole thing? And then it struck me, I got to make the choice? For the first time in a very long time I was able to make the choice, to some degree, but to make it so that it wasn't as bad as it could have been?

Now, the problem for ascertianing the real answer here is a little more difficult? On one hand I could say that the power was with in me to "Choose" to make this decision, however, on the other hand it could have been the medicine that maybe finally started working to some degree? (One of the problems with BP meds is that if you change meds as I am prone to do too often, not by choice but necessity. It can take anywhere from 2 weeks to 8-10 weeks for it to really take affect?) For me it almost always seems to be the longer, and then suddenly it no longer works for me and boom, I have to try a new med.

So with this being said, I think I choose this morning to deal with the creature and so far so good, the worst aspect of it is that it continued eating at my soul all day, via e-mails of course, but I just kept my cool and tried to stay on an even keel. So far, so good!

the idea for todays writing is basically this, if someone like me who can be prone to outburst and for a lot of BP's that I have seen that are a lot worse then I am. I made the choice today to let someone else control my day, and I chose to let them wallow in their own misery, and I went out and had a fairly good day! So for all of you out there that let those little "Negative Creeps" into your day and they try to bring you down, just think about this, if you were a BP's, how would you handle the situation? Only you can controld your behavior and the way you act with others, notice I didn't say re-act, I said act? Because when you act withh someone and they are trying to drag you down, you are maintaining yourself, but when you "Re-Act" you are allowing the "Negative Creeps" to control you, and this is not what you want!

Be the better person, try to change your world not other peoples. Be who you want, not a reaction to someone else's idea, or bad idea. If a person like me, who has to depend on chemicals sometimes to keep me level can do it, so can you! So be that person you really want, and control your own actions!