Ok, lately every time I want to write something here I sign on the normal way. However, I am noticing something, normally I use Opera as my preferred browser, and once in a while when things will not work I use Firebox. But, I have spent the last half an hour trying to sign on and change my passwords, and doing everything that I could think of to sign on to my damn blog account and I couldn't get on. Then suddenly it hits me, try the regular Microsoft browser? And guess what? Viola! It works!
I am talking about Google, the big company that is all about using alternative sources for I-Net, the ground breaking company that is all about being innovative and creating everything, and suddenly I cannot use my damn Blog on Opera or Firefox? WTF?
See, I have sat here for all of this time, and I had ideas for my blog, but because I spent more time trying to figure out how sign on to this account, never thing it would be Microsoft that would hold the key?
Now, I know what you are going to say, check your settings, blah, blah, blah....I will admit, I did have an issue last week with some virus stuff, so maybe things got changed, and I will check that. But, this isn't the first time this has happened! I have been a long time opera user, I think I have been using Opera for about 10 years or so. Why all of a sudden does it lock me out???
Well, I am finally back in, and I guess I will have to try using MSN so that I can post on this Blog. So I will talk to you later, and please check back as I have been trying to write more often here, and I will be working on my fiveinch monkey blog as well.
Take care all, and to stay in context, I am doing ok, and I had some stuff to write about, but I will try to remember for tomorrow's post.
Ciao!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Can you catch Bi-Polar????
Sleep, the evasive aspect of life that I have always had an issue with! I have since I was a small child had an issue with sleeping for more then a few hours at a time. It is one of the fun things about the "Illness"! Or so I have been told.?
As I have said in earlier post I have always had an idea that there was an issue with me being depressed, and missing sleep was one of the keys that someone should have picked up on? But then again like most people with this illness, I learned to hide aspects of life from others, and sleep was one of them. I could stay up all night long and then go to school and not thing twice about it? But I never told anyone that I wasn't sleeping. And obviously it was the same with sleeping too much, I got around this saying that I was going to my room to read and when I was depressed I would just sleep. And if by some chance someone discovered I would just say I feel to sleep reading.
One of the hardest parts that I have had to deal with is something that although I have had the knowledge of my illness, is something that is kind of odd. It is even a bit difficult to understand? Part of my illness is that I can have both a Depressive state and a hypomanic state at the same time. Basically I call this the Bi-Polar Speedball! I am depressed and in a state of manic behavior. This took me a long time to work this out because A) It is a strange concept & B) Bi-Polar is a odd enough illness, let alone when you toss in ideas of being both in a depressive state as well as a manic state.
So I can be sitting somewhere and be in a depressed mode and all of a sudden I have a ton of energy and no way of dealing with it? Conversely I can also be in a manic mode and running around or be at work and all of a sudden I can fall into a depressed state and as much as I want to slow down and just crawl into a bed and self depreciate I just cannot? I feel I have to keep moving! Because of these two types of behavior states, it has always made it more difficult for me, let alone others to actually figure out that I am BP. I do have to give some credit to one person. I was dating years ago, and she also has BP, and she figured out that I was BP, well actually she said: "I think you have a little BP in you?". And since she was a professional in the health field, and worked with BP'rs and was also a BP'r, what she said had a bit of credibility? Only I didn't take to heart what she said, it was always there, it was just never a large enough issue back then. However, it has been said that the older one gets and they do not get the BP taken care of, the worse it gets.
And guess what, it was about 6-7 years later before I figured it out. Well, with my Dr's help and the help of help of my "Partner" at the time. We figured out that maybe there was a potential issue with this possible illness. Well, it took about a year before we determined that I actually had it. The strange thing about this illness is that there is no test? They just ask you a bunch of questions, and over the course of time it is determined that one has the illness. It is really strange? But, when it all comes to it, all Bi-Polar really is is just a chemical imbalance. Much like diabetes. So, the next time you meet someone with the Bi-Polar illness, remember that it isn't anything that you can catch, it is just more like your Aunt or Uncle who has Diabetes, and it's not like you can catch anything from them either?
Till next time......Keep this in mind, If you don't try something new, you'll never learn anything new and what fun is that?
Ciao!
As I have said in earlier post I have always had an idea that there was an issue with me being depressed, and missing sleep was one of the keys that someone should have picked up on? But then again like most people with this illness, I learned to hide aspects of life from others, and sleep was one of them. I could stay up all night long and then go to school and not thing twice about it? But I never told anyone that I wasn't sleeping. And obviously it was the same with sleeping too much, I got around this saying that I was going to my room to read and when I was depressed I would just sleep. And if by some chance someone discovered I would just say I feel to sleep reading.
One of the hardest parts that I have had to deal with is something that although I have had the knowledge of my illness, is something that is kind of odd. It is even a bit difficult to understand? Part of my illness is that I can have both a Depressive state and a hypomanic state at the same time. Basically I call this the Bi-Polar Speedball! I am depressed and in a state of manic behavior. This took me a long time to work this out because A) It is a strange concept & B) Bi-Polar is a odd enough illness, let alone when you toss in ideas of being both in a depressive state as well as a manic state.
So I can be sitting somewhere and be in a depressed mode and all of a sudden I have a ton of energy and no way of dealing with it? Conversely I can also be in a manic mode and running around or be at work and all of a sudden I can fall into a depressed state and as much as I want to slow down and just crawl into a bed and self depreciate I just cannot? I feel I have to keep moving! Because of these two types of behavior states, it has always made it more difficult for me, let alone others to actually figure out that I am BP. I do have to give some credit to one person. I was dating years ago, and she also has BP, and she figured out that I was BP, well actually she said: "I think you have a little BP in you?". And since she was a professional in the health field, and worked with BP'rs and was also a BP'r, what she said had a bit of credibility? Only I didn't take to heart what she said, it was always there, it was just never a large enough issue back then. However, it has been said that the older one gets and they do not get the BP taken care of, the worse it gets.
And guess what, it was about 6-7 years later before I figured it out. Well, with my Dr's help and the help of help of my "Partner" at the time. We figured out that maybe there was a potential issue with this possible illness. Well, it took about a year before we determined that I actually had it. The strange thing about this illness is that there is no test? They just ask you a bunch of questions, and over the course of time it is determined that one has the illness. It is really strange? But, when it all comes to it, all Bi-Polar really is is just a chemical imbalance. Much like diabetes. So, the next time you meet someone with the Bi-Polar illness, remember that it isn't anything that you can catch, it is just more like your Aunt or Uncle who has Diabetes, and it's not like you can catch anything from them either?
Till next time......Keep this in mind, If you don't try something new, you'll never learn anything new and what fun is that?
Ciao!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Recent experiences and behaviors
It has been quite a while since my last post, like everything in life there is a multitude of reasons. On the upside many of my main hurdles are now gone. Not that I am the only one with life hurdle, but some of mine took a little more energy then I thought they would.
I am beginning to learn some of the not so obvious difficulties of living with this illness. One of them being that when some people find out that someone has this illness, they automatically change their course of behavior and want to treat the person with BP as a sort of pariah. Now I am open and as honest as I can be, and I try to let everyone know what is going on with me, but there are times when it is better to hold back a little, especially when you meet someone and you are not sure which way the relationship will go. I have always said that I am not ashamed of this illness, especially because I didn't ask for it, and I would never wish it on someone. With this being said I would love for people to take the time to ask me questions, or ask anyone with this questions. When the dust settles, it is just that at times our brains run a "bit" faster, and at other times, we feel we are justified in curling up in a ball and hiding for days. I am trying to simplify this illness, I am just trying to say to others that it isn't as bad as holly wood or your grand parents make it out to be.
There are many well known people in the public eye with this illness, and many more that are not in the public eye. The one response I usually get from say about 80% of the people is, "Oh, my cousin has that, and it was a little rough at first, but now he is doing great!" And of course what they are saying is that now that he is on his Med's all the time he is fine. And this is the point, if you have this illness, you take Meds, and if you take Meds, you usually get better or at least stay at the Status Quo. (Which I am not sure if that is good? lol)
I am saying all this as I have of recently been shunned aside because of this illness, and I am positive that the person that did this never took the time to talk with a BP'r, let alone me about the illness.
Well more later, and it is good to be back. I lost my password for a while and couldn't get in. But hopefully I will be back writing more and sharing stories from either the speeding mind or of the Black hole lost in the darkness mind. Hopefully it will be more of the first one or the middle.
I am beginning to learn some of the not so obvious difficulties of living with this illness. One of them being that when some people find out that someone has this illness, they automatically change their course of behavior and want to treat the person with BP as a sort of pariah. Now I am open and as honest as I can be, and I try to let everyone know what is going on with me, but there are times when it is better to hold back a little, especially when you meet someone and you are not sure which way the relationship will go. I have always said that I am not ashamed of this illness, especially because I didn't ask for it, and I would never wish it on someone. With this being said I would love for people to take the time to ask me questions, or ask anyone with this questions. When the dust settles, it is just that at times our brains run a "bit" faster, and at other times, we feel we are justified in curling up in a ball and hiding for days. I am trying to simplify this illness, I am just trying to say to others that it isn't as bad as holly wood or your grand parents make it out to be.
There are many well known people in the public eye with this illness, and many more that are not in the public eye. The one response I usually get from say about 80% of the people is, "Oh, my cousin has that, and it was a little rough at first, but now he is doing great!" And of course what they are saying is that now that he is on his Med's all the time he is fine. And this is the point, if you have this illness, you take Meds, and if you take Meds, you usually get better or at least stay at the Status Quo. (Which I am not sure if that is good? lol)
I am saying all this as I have of recently been shunned aside because of this illness, and I am positive that the person that did this never took the time to talk with a BP'r, let alone me about the illness.
Well more later, and it is good to be back. I lost my password for a while and couldn't get in. But hopefully I will be back writing more and sharing stories from either the speeding mind or of the Black hole lost in the darkness mind. Hopefully it will be more of the first one or the middle.
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