Times like these!

There are things in life that most of us will be placed in a position that we are unable to do. Some of these things will be little things that we really don't care about, some of the other things will be of a level of importence to us personally, and this is where our inability will become a wall that we will take on as a personal battle.

Some of the problems that I deal with are because of my illness, and some are because of scenarios's that I have been placed in by chance, or choice. It doesn't matter really which one? But the one that is bothering me today is that I am sitting here and wishihng I could go do what I was invited to do with some friends, and I don't believe that I possess the strength to force myself to really go do it! And this is one of the greater of the pains of my illness. Because at times it makes me feel as if life is being taken away, and all I can do is watch!

When I look at the other side of life, and I watch all of the pain that is being brought on just because of some idiotic legal term, all the energy that is being sucked out of me because of all of this, it really upsets me!

When I am being consumed by all of this negative energy as I am now. This isn't a good thing for anyone! All it does is make and create bad feelings for everyone. And all this does is make my illness worse. Which in the end takes away from me what I really wish I could be doing right now, the thing my friends called me out to do in the first place.

As I said, sometimes we are forced into a place that we don't really want to be, and other times all we can hope to do is try to make the best of it, because some days I am not sure how I can, more often then not like an old friend whom was doomed to forever to roll a huge stone up the hill in Hades only to have it roll down again as it nears the top, over and over.

Games, Pain, and Honesty!

Thoughts ideas and general discomfort! I am being placed in a game that I don't want to really play, but as always if I am to play, there is only one objective. And since we all know what that is, there is not point in going on.

I am sitting hear looking for ideas and options for what to do in the next few weeks? If you read back a bit you will see that I have been placed in a situation that I really do not wish to be in? And because I am in this are, I have to look out for myself, and do as I do when my back is at the wall. I guess that in some way I actually enjoy being in this state, and the reason is that when I am in this state I get to step forward, and say what is on my mind and not worry about the repercussions, because I know the thoughts have been been thought out, and the ideas are not just yelled about because of an emotional "reaction".

As you can see, and as I have learned, I am not normally one that prefers to be in the scenario where I have to be the aggressive one. I have told many people in the past and some were smart enough to understand that I wasn't just talking out of my ass. But I have always said; "Don't take my kindness for weakness!" I may seem passive at times. But that is because I don't wish to play litle games that some choose to play, but don't kid yourself, it is not weakness! It is because I choose to stand back and observe, I have always believed that you can learn more by watching others, then yelling screaming and generally making an ass of yourself.

So what do I end up doing during this "Fun time"? I will take my time, move forward and if I play right, I'll hopefully be able to treat others right, while remebering that, in this game that I play, there are others feelings out there, and unless they directly confront me, I will continue to treat them fair and honestly. But the important thing for me is and always will be.....When it is time for the game, I still want to Win!

Play Fair, Play Hard, but remember to Win!