Phobia's, playing Dr. and Music and a haircut!

Ok, I am going to try to put a song in here, but it probably won't work? So here is the blog anyway...


So I am on the phone with my Drug Dr. today and she kind of brings up an interesting point. Only I am not sure if she noticed it or not? I had mentioned that all of my life I have always felt worn out and not myself for a few days after a big party, or even some kind of social event?

Well, last week we had a convention of sorts and afterwards I was just a wreck! I was depressed and I felt angry at everyone and I just wasn’t myself? I let her know that even though we had talked about raising my Zoloft to 150mg from 100mg, I hadn’t raised the levels. I said that I was thinking that since it took my body so long to into the Zoloft in the first place, maybe I should just give myself a little more time, and hopefully the Zoloft would kind of find it’s own place and I would start to feel my normal self.

Well, this wasn’t the case and all that happened was that things got worse. And my emotions and moods became a little more edgy and nastier. I was yelling at people and I was just an unhappy person all the way around. (So much for that little test? Lol)

So it seems that the increase in the Zoloft maybe that the difference I needed. Maybe on top of this little Bi-Polar thing there are some other things that it is possible the Zoloft may be picking up on? For Example: When I was younger, and I would talk to people, I would always say that I was shy, and introverted. However, no one ever believed me? I couldn’t understand it? I was baffled that they couldn’t see that I was this shy person.

But as I have grown older, and as I have learned about my illness I am beginning to think that maybe, I really am shy, it was just that when I was younger I had more “Mania” behaviors them depressive ones, and when I was manic I was anything but shy? But once I hit one of my depressive modes, boom: There I was Mr. Shy introverted me, and no one would believe me because the shy stages were either me hiding away, or me just being “pensive” as everyone used to call me. “Oh Him, he is just being in one of his Pensive moods again!” Or “Watch out, he is being moody again!”. Both of these were things I used to hear all the time growing up and during college.

So, what have I learned? Nothing as of yet? Because I do not know, but we’ll see what happens with all of this stuff. If the Zoloft works maybe my little societal cynicisms will fade like the hair line on Joe Jackson’s head. And if it doesn’t work, well……Like all of the other drugs I get to try, maybe we’ll start a new one?


By the way if the song doesn't get put in here it was "Needle in the Hay" Elliot Smith

Ok, it isn't looking too promising, so I will do two things, I will post the link to the video for the song, I really like the connection. And two I will try to embedded the song into the page here, so hopefully either way..........you can see.

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Or try http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pyBB7y8fDU&feature=related



It is a great song, and very ethereal, and the video is almost too real..

Enjoy, and don't read too much into it, just read while the mucsic plays...