Some considerations

I have been trying to stay pretty busy, but in staying busy I pay for it in that buy doing this it takes a serious toll on my illness.
I am so entirely mentally drained after just a few hours that I feel like I need to shut off from the rest of the world! And I have been trying to "expand" my ability, but it is taking some time. I was at a meeting last night and we were discussing things like this, and I mentioned this, and someone brought up an interesting point. I have only been feeling "kind of" good for just about six weeks. (Obviously I am not factoring in all of the various factors that are wreaking havoc in my life these days. Let's just say that Divorce is one of them!)

Now six weeks sounds like a fair amount of time, but think about this, I was really sick, ie ..depressed for over a year. So, maybe as usual I am not giving myself enough credit? I have been battling this for the last year and a half, and in al of that I want to be able to jump back in the game and be like my old self, but I think if I force that on myself, I may end up in the same place I was before Thanksgiving? (Which was when I was hospitalized.)

In so many ways I want to get back in the game, but I know that in doing this I have to choose my methods, time frame and paths wisely! Because when you have BP, you never really know when the Beast will pop out and have a little fun on its own, by tear into my soul and messing up everything I have worked on to try to regain some level of normality.

Normal is one thing, but being able to get back in the game is my goal, I just have to do what I can to be smart about my path!