Some days I have to force myself to really try to be productive, and this I am sure is a problem for most people, as it was for me years ago before my BP really started to "Kick in"! But these days it seems to be a real problem and it could be for a number of reasons, and when you have BP, you always go to the Medication dosage first, but that is not always the reason. It could be a number of things, it could be that my diet is screwed up or it could be that I am "cycling" or it could just be that it is a normal day for me? For some reason for the last few days I have been sort of lethargic and the irony is some of the people around me think that I am acting normal? Which I kind of find pretty funny!
I have been kicking back and watching television and running a few errands, and some of the people who are close to me think that this is normal behavior for me? Of course it is not, which is why I am writing about this and a little bothered by the whole scenario. I would rather be moving around and much more productive and maybe a bit happier? But until then I am just in a slump and I will likely just be in this mode for a few more days and if it sticks around longer than that I will have to talk with my Dr. and we'll make a medication change. We have been talking about a medication change just last week, so if it sticks around too long, then to the Dr. I will be heading. More later…
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
The variable days
One of the stranger things about being BP is the too often feeling of Anxiety. To be honest there are times when I know where it comes from, but there are many more times when I have no idea as to where or even why I have the anxiety feelings. I am not sure if you have ever suffered from Anxiety, but it is an uncomfortable feeling. It isn't the worst thing I have ever suffered from, but it is annoying.
With this feeling happening at least every few days, there are many more days when I don't have the feeling, and there are even days where I feel quite fine. And of course these are always some of my favorite days. Sometimes dealing with BP is what I call second guessing yourself, as there are too many times when I end up second guessing how I feel or even why I feel a particular way, and this can be very annoying for many reasons I am sure you can guess why! A lot of this has to do with the too often "Adjustment" of medications. When you have to deal with changing medications all the times there are many days when you are not sure if feelings that you are having are more the fault of the medications rather than the guesstimation of if it is the BP or if it is the medications.
With this feeling happening at least every few days, there are many more days when I don't have the feeling, and there are even days where I feel quite fine. And of course these are always some of my favorite days. Sometimes dealing with BP is what I call second guessing yourself, as there are too many times when I end up second guessing how I feel or even why I feel a particular way, and this can be very annoying for many reasons I am sure you can guess why! A lot of this has to do with the too often "Adjustment" of medications. When you have to deal with changing medications all the times there are many days when you are not sure if feelings that you are having are more the fault of the medications rather than the guesstimation of if it is the BP or if it is the medications.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
A Re - Re - Comeback
It has been quite a while since I have written here! I have another blog and I have even taken away some time from that one as well. But, my goal is to start writing at both of them a little more often, especially this one as I think I have a few things I can say here, especially since I am affected by this illness, so I should be able to come up with a few ideas, or subjects that I can talk about that at least one or two of you can relate to? On that note, please feel free to drop me a note on any subject, but I would prefer that it be on the subject of Bi-Polar as that is what this blog's main subject is about.
More very soon!
More very soon!
Monday, December 20, 2010
Life and Sleep
At first I wondered if I was going to sleep the rest of my life away. When I was first diagnosed I was sleeping all day long, then I would wake around 3-4pm and stay awake until about 8-9pm and then go back to sleep. It was difficult, especially for someone like me who used to be happy with anywhere from 3-5 hours of sleep a night, now I was getting 3-5 hours of awake time and sleeping all the rest. Of course it was all medication that was doing this to me, but this still didn't make me any happier! I was sleeping my life away and it felt like there was nothing I could do about it.
Time went by and I tried different medications and I swapped some good for some bad and so forth, meaning I was sleeping sometimes less and sometimes more and it all depended on the type of medication I was on and the dosage amount. For Example, on some meds all we had to do was increase the dosage by a small amount and all of a sudden I was sleeping an extra 4-5 hours, decrease another med at the same time and I was back to where I was in the first place? The thing about being Bi-Polar, well there are many things about being Bi-Polar, but one of them is, is that it is not an exact science, and there is no proven exact method to helping anyone because not only is everyone different, but so is everyone's treatment. I try to explain it this way to most people in hopes that they will understand, being Bi-Polar is like having diabetes, there are different levels of insulin that everyone has to take, well in being Bi-Polar there are different levels of chemicals your brain needs to functions, and this is what Bi-Polar really is, you body not producing enough of a certain type of chemicals and with out these chemicals you get the fun and wacky behavior that we all know and love as Bi-Polar.
So the long and short of it is when you are Bi-Polar you either get too much sleep or you don't get enough...you rarely ever get just the right amount. And the same goes for your treatment, you spend years taking all kinds of medications and hoping for the right mixture and maybe one day you get it? and if you do you hope and you pray that you will be able to keep the right levels, because once you go off, its like starting all over again. And the sleep is even worse because you spend all your time trying to not only find a medication that works, but you have to go thru the terrible sleep patterns all over again.
Time went by and I tried different medications and I swapped some good for some bad and so forth, meaning I was sleeping sometimes less and sometimes more and it all depended on the type of medication I was on and the dosage amount. For Example, on some meds all we had to do was increase the dosage by a small amount and all of a sudden I was sleeping an extra 4-5 hours, decrease another med at the same time and I was back to where I was in the first place? The thing about being Bi-Polar, well there are many things about being Bi-Polar, but one of them is, is that it is not an exact science, and there is no proven exact method to helping anyone because not only is everyone different, but so is everyone's treatment. I try to explain it this way to most people in hopes that they will understand, being Bi-Polar is like having diabetes, there are different levels of insulin that everyone has to take, well in being Bi-Polar there are different levels of chemicals your brain needs to functions, and this is what Bi-Polar really is, you body not producing enough of a certain type of chemicals and with out these chemicals you get the fun and wacky behavior that we all know and love as Bi-Polar.
So the long and short of it is when you are Bi-Polar you either get too much sleep or you don't get enough...you rarely ever get just the right amount. And the same goes for your treatment, you spend years taking all kinds of medications and hoping for the right mixture and maybe one day you get it? and if you do you hope and you pray that you will be able to keep the right levels, because once you go off, its like starting all over again. And the sleep is even worse because you spend all your time trying to not only find a medication that works, but you have to go thru the terrible sleep patterns all over again.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Friends and open Conversations
One of the things I have learned since I was first told that I may have Bi-Polar is that when I meet others who have either been diagnosed as Bi-Polar or I suspect that they are Bi-Polar is that there is almost a kindred spirit type relationship. I have found some really good relationship with others who have Bi-Polar, as well as some great relationships with others who have been affected by various types of mental illness.
Now first let me say that Bi-Polar is not a Mental Illness, and there are some who really have no idea as to what they are talking about who will say, but wait a minute, I have always been told that Bi-Polar is a Mental illness and those who suffer are mentally ill, but the truth of the matter is that Bi-Polar is much like diabetes in that is has to do with chemicals in your body. There are many in the Medical community who know this and there are a few who don't, but if you ask the ones who have been treating those who have it they will tell you what I am telling you here.
Now with out going into all of the details of the illness itself, (If you want that just do a google search and look for it on Wikipedia, you will find some good information regarding the illness. My point here is to point out the benefits of some of the relationships that I have been lucky enough to have developed since I was first diagnosed.) With all of the above being said, I can and will say that I have developed some just amazing friendships since I was first diagnosed, and they are based on my being diagnosed as Bi-Polar. There is a strange element of trust that comes when you meet someone who also has the illness. The doors are open and you can really get to know the person who suffers from the illness, and of course this is assuming that they are doing what they can to try and get better, as trying to talk with someone who suffers from the illness and they are not getting any treatment can be very difficult. They bounce around like a jumping bean and are very difficult to engage in any type of conversation.
But as time goes by and you get to know someone who has one of the elements of Bi-Polar and they are under the treatment f a Dr. the conversations can and usually are quite wonderful. The Walls have been torn down and the openness is there for two people to really get to know one another. I can think of at least two of my friends who are suffering from Bi-Polar and our friend ship is very strong because you not only know that the walls are tore down but you know that the person you are talking with are generally open and good people that you can trust. Not only can you trust them but you find that the conversations usually take a different course then if you were just two “Friends” talking about any given subject. It seems that in a normal conversation there is always that wall where you have to be careful not to touch, but with a fellow Bi-Polar you don’t have to worry about that and you can just talk about anything you feel like and for some reason the other person will just open up to you like you were an old friend. One would think that this would not be the case as when one suffers from an illness they tend to hide away and not share much information about them self, but for some reason Bi-Polar people are just open in general and will talk about any given subject. This can and does make for some wonderful conversations. I am lucky to be part of that group, and feel that my friendship circle has opened up to a whole new circle and my friends are among a much larger group.
I will continue with more on this subject tomorrow, I just wanted to get it off the top of my head, and remember if there id any subject you feel you would feel open to discussing, please drop me a note and I am sure we can talk about it, or even if you have a question
Now first let me say that Bi-Polar is not a Mental Illness, and there are some who really have no idea as to what they are talking about who will say, but wait a minute, I have always been told that Bi-Polar is a Mental illness and those who suffer are mentally ill, but the truth of the matter is that Bi-Polar is much like diabetes in that is has to do with chemicals in your body. There are many in the Medical community who know this and there are a few who don't, but if you ask the ones who have been treating those who have it they will tell you what I am telling you here.
Now with out going into all of the details of the illness itself, (If you want that just do a google search and look for it on Wikipedia, you will find some good information regarding the illness. My point here is to point out the benefits of some of the relationships that I have been lucky enough to have developed since I was first diagnosed.) With all of the above being said, I can and will say that I have developed some just amazing friendships since I was first diagnosed, and they are based on my being diagnosed as Bi-Polar. There is a strange element of trust that comes when you meet someone who also has the illness. The doors are open and you can really get to know the person who suffers from the illness, and of course this is assuming that they are doing what they can to try and get better, as trying to talk with someone who suffers from the illness and they are not getting any treatment can be very difficult. They bounce around like a jumping bean and are very difficult to engage in any type of conversation.
But as time goes by and you get to know someone who has one of the elements of Bi-Polar and they are under the treatment f a Dr. the conversations can and usually are quite wonderful. The Walls have been torn down and the openness is there for two people to really get to know one another. I can think of at least two of my friends who are suffering from Bi-Polar and our friend ship is very strong because you not only know that the walls are tore down but you know that the person you are talking with are generally open and good people that you can trust. Not only can you trust them but you find that the conversations usually take a different course then if you were just two “Friends” talking about any given subject. It seems that in a normal conversation there is always that wall where you have to be careful not to touch, but with a fellow Bi-Polar you don’t have to worry about that and you can just talk about anything you feel like and for some reason the other person will just open up to you like you were an old friend. One would think that this would not be the case as when one suffers from an illness they tend to hide away and not share much information about them self, but for some reason Bi-Polar people are just open in general and will talk about any given subject. This can and does make for some wonderful conversations. I am lucky to be part of that group, and feel that my friendship circle has opened up to a whole new circle and my friends are among a much larger group.
I will continue with more on this subject tomorrow, I just wanted to get it off the top of my head, and remember if there id any subject you feel you would feel open to discussing, please drop me a note and I am sure we can talk about it, or even if you have a question
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Dosage Problem...
Well, one of the problems I have been experiencing as of late is what time to I take my meds, or in this case a specific medication. It says that I should take it once, twice daily. The problem is if I take one dosage in the morning, within an hour or so I am ready for a bog time nap. I don't like this because it could knock me out for the rest of the day? So I have tried to take both dosage's at night, but then I end up sleeping for about 14-15 hours. So it is kind of a lose, lose for me and very frustrating.
So, what do I do? Well, I have tried a number of method and to be honest I don't really have it figured out yet, but I am working on it and I do hope that I will iron it out soon as it is very trying on my head. If anyone else has had this problem please feel free to share with me what you did?
Here is an idea I just came up with? Maybe I could take 4 small dosages instead of two large dosages, maybe this will help me on a larger scale? Hopefully I could skip the sleep all together and still get the over all effect of my meds? This is what I will try over the next few days and I will post here in case someone else has come up with a similar problem?
Till again...
So, what do I do? Well, I have tried a number of method and to be honest I don't really have it figured out yet, but I am working on it and I do hope that I will iron it out soon as it is very trying on my head. If anyone else has had this problem please feel free to share with me what you did?
Here is an idea I just came up with? Maybe I could take 4 small dosages instead of two large dosages, maybe this will help me on a larger scale? Hopefully I could skip the sleep all together and still get the over all effect of my meds? This is what I will try over the next few days and I will post here in case someone else has come up with a similar problem?
Till again...
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Life and more stuff!
Well, here I am and it is another day and I have quite a few things bouncing around my head right now. I am giving some serious consideration to moving out to San Francisco. Yes, I know that would be a hell of a move, but I think it might do my sou some good to get out of Dodge, (Do to speak!). I am not 100% that I am going yet, but I will say that I am giving it some serious consideration. I have always loved the city, and I have a chance to be roommates with an old friend, so that would help right from the start.
The second big thing today has to do with my health, because after all this blog is supposed to be about my health first and the rest later. I have been sleeping too much and I am not sure why? Today for example I slept till about 2:30pm, which is very strange because I went to be the night before around 11pm, so that is about 14 hours or so? I think it may have to do with some of my medications, but I am not sure and am a little concerned. I will give it a few more days and see how things go before I get too concerned about it. If it is the medication then I will have to make some kind of change, I am not sure what kind yet, but it will likely have to do with the time that I take my meds, as I think this is the reason why I am sleeping so much. Time will tell.
More soon!
The second big thing today has to do with my health, because after all this blog is supposed to be about my health first and the rest later. I have been sleeping too much and I am not sure why? Today for example I slept till about 2:30pm, which is very strange because I went to be the night before around 11pm, so that is about 14 hours or so? I think it may have to do with some of my medications, but I am not sure and am a little concerned. I will give it a few more days and see how things go before I get too concerned about it. If it is the medication then I will have to make some kind of change, I am not sure what kind yet, but it will likely have to do with the time that I take my meds, as I think this is the reason why I am sleeping so much. Time will tell.
More soon!
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